Dream a little...

This space has become almost unfamiliar to me.  I haven't been here for so long.  Those Wednesday Quotes are pre-scheduled...some of you may know.  But also know that each and one of them meant a lot to me.  They represent what I feel.  They represent who I am.

Closing my eyes for a bit, I dream too little these days.  But oo how wonderful are those that I have in seconds.  There's one where I am in my sunroom.  It's morning.  Everything's white with a dash of baby pink, baby blue, and a light lime green color somewhere.  It's bright, sunny and breezy.  I could see myself reading my Better Homes and Garden magazine.  A cup of coffee on the white small side table next to me.  It's still warm.  I look outside, and Alvin is washing the car.  Xavier is with him, stepping on the water on the cement and grass that came from the water hose.  He's all wet...some patches of shampoo foam stuck on all over his pants and shirt...and one small one on his cheek.  He's happy.  They both are.  I smiled alone and continued to read.  I'm happy too.

Eyes opened.  It's all gone.  And I find myself here...somewhere I do not want to be.  I find myself frowning even as I write this.  Somehow I feel so alone.  I pushed myself too hard, I almost couldn't breath.  My shoulders ache because they carry so much burden.  My eyes are all puffy because they didn't get much rest.  My head is heavy because my mind worked too hard.  They even work when I sleep.  My heart hurts because it breaks too often recently.

I do believe that time will help take away the hurt.  That my dreams, hopes, and prayers sent above will be answered.  By then I would be able to find that one special door opened and waiting for me.  I hope it will be soon.  And then when I peek in, lo and behold, I see myself there...a much much happier me.  She looks much more content at peace.  And she doesn't have heart breaks anymore.

She's the one that sat in that white sunroom...