I'm Not Alone...I Know That Now

Ever since January I was struggling with the feeling of demotivation and hopelessness.  As fast as the wind whooshed away, my energy, my drive, and my motivation...they just flew away.  In the beginning, I kept telling myself "it's okay, this is normal..everyone goes through this..every mother goes through this, so don't be such a cry baby.  Chin up will ya!"  And this didn't even last until the evening of that particular day. 

I shared a little something with a dear friend of mine, who has the same questions lirking about in our minds.  There were so many of that same questions and its counterparts in my brain that I can imagine them partying like there's no tomorrow, celebrating their much promised long life span...because they knew very very well I won't be getting the answer(s) any sooner.  They kept winning..and winning..and growing..and growing.  What if I go for a brain surgery and pick each and everyone of them out and just crush them...to death?  Sooo explicit!  I know.  I hope Google's not going to ban or spam my blog for this.

So this friend of mine said "do you think we could be having a mid life crisis?".  Could be.  Or it could also be something else.  Like maybe I have just completely lost my marbles, that sorta thing!  The possibility of that is rating at 200%!  Well, I hope it is just a case of mid life crisis. 

So what's the deal with this mid life crisis thing......what else does it do to you apart from having millions of questions about your life (when obviously you know and is able to see all the blessings given to you), feeling so tired of feeling this way, so sick of all the sickenings, so freakin' angry of all the anger that's built up inside you.  All because of those freakin' questions that are snickering and gnarling and snorting at you at all times.  Please...someone tell me.

I think God has gone tired of my questions too.  But I hope and I pray hard that He listens to my apologies as well.  He always answers me...although not always on time (I'm not complaining here Lord), and I am always reminded that everything happens in His time and not ours.  But the time in between that...you know, the waiting part...oo goodness gracious me...it is sooo painful!  Or maybe I am just a little too impatient.  I guess so.

And now the rollercoaster starts to ride up again...and I found a blog owned by a woman who shared of the same problems.  You have no idea how happy I was to have found it.  I almost forgotten about my son who was sitting right next to me at the dinner table eating his cookies!  By the time I was done and back to earth...I found out that my son has taken out all the cookies from the container, eaten half of almost every each of them (there were about 10 cookies), and had thrown them everywhere!  Total mess!  But for the first time, I did all the cleaning thereafter, with a smile.  A smile of complete relieve.

This lady was sharing the same problem as mine!  Well, not exactly the same but very very similar.  Did she post any answer for it?  Nope...she didn't.  She doesn't have any answer for it either.  But the thing that strikes me was the amount of comments from people all around giving her encouragements and shared their experiences as well.  That shows that I am definitely not alone.  That there's others having worst cases than having questions turned into little evils shaking their booties in every squishy slot they can find in my little brain.  I can do the "happy gnomes dance" now.

I guess this mid life crisis thingy is not about the sufferings of going through it at all.  It is about how you go through it and most importantly, who you go through it with.  The decisions that you make and the approach to it will very much determine a happy ending or otherwise for you.  I am glad I shared this same problem with this dear friend of mine.  And we both have an amazing friend to guide us and help us go through it all.  And it's the Lord Almighty.  Have you got a good friend to share your problems or hopes and dreams?  I am sure you do.  But if you don't, just look up...and say your prayers.  There's this Friend of Every Man up there...just waiting for you to knock on His door.  Problems or no problems, He'll always open His door with an open arms to whoever that knocks.

So go ahead...go knock on that door.