Downhill...

It's September.  Which means we're getting nearer and nearer to the end of the year.  I couldn't believe August came and just left in a blink.  I didn't even get to say goodbye because I still remember very very clearly I was so freaking busy preparing for September.  Now that the very first day of September has gone (the day that we suffered 2 weeks for), I'm left missing and still dwelling on August.  Darn...

Things are not as rosey recently, and I am still struggling to wriggle myself out of that crazy crowd of fear, doubt, sadness, frustration, anxiety, confusion, and endless...endless questions.  Heartaches came with every heart beat.  Visions are blurry and the mind is cloudy.  But I am still okay I suppose, forcing myself to concentrate on the things that matters.

Some plans are out for the new year and I'm starting to lay them down one by one on the foot of the cross.  I know the Big Man above will pick them up immediately, but now I'm praying very hard that He would bless each and every one of them and say "I bless and grant this and I will be with you all through out".  Oo how much I want Him to grant them for me.

Mom's birthday is coming soon.  I'm already nervous about it because I don't know if I can handle spending the day remembering that it's her special day and missing her madly.  With all these struggles, I really wish she's around to tell me what to do.  Or just be there to listen.  After her passing, a part of me just fell apart.  And for a while, without knowing why, I couldn't really see myself going back home anymore.  But through time I realized that I couldn't because of the fact that I wouldn't see her at the front door anymore to see us come home with a smile and her big hug.

Sorry for being sobby lately.  I'm just in one of those downhill moments where I have just landed from a very painful fall.  It's a Public Holiday tomorrow here so we're going to have yet another long weekend.  I need it to recuperate a lot more...and be away from the cruel world out there.

I hope all is well with you...